I Choose You

We took a little vacation to Sheridan, Wyoming last week to see my daughter Madison and my son-in-law, Drew. I will gladly drive 12 hours to see these guys because this relationship is important to me.

God created us for relationship because the language of heaven is relationship.  What God says and does is for relationship. So, who should we look to when we want to understand our human relationships? I feel like these days, so much of what we know about relationships comes from Instagram influencers. Unless you’re my age, then maybe it’s Dr. Phil.

If you want to understand something, the best person to ask is the designer of that thing.  If you want to understand relationships, study the one who created relationships. The Bible is packed full of principles about relationships. That is why this short series is titled Biblical Principles for Powerful Relationships.

The series is not about perfect relationships. Why?  Because relationships involve two people.  Do you understand what I’m saying here?  No relationship is perfect because it involves broken, imperfect, sometimes self-centered people.  But that does not mean that our relationships cannot be powerful. 

Not only is God the designer of relationship, but He is also the one who initiated the relationship with us. Look at how the Bible describes how God has initiated a relationship with us.  Do you remember this from Deuteronomy:

Deut 7:6 (CSB)—For you are a holy people belonging to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you to be his own possession out of all the peoples on the face of the earth.

Here’s the first principle that I want to camp on this morning:

Powerful Relationships Begin When We Learn to Say, “I Choose You.’

God said to the Israelites, I saw you and I have chosen you and decided to make you mine.

 1. God says: “I choose you.”

Jesus made a similar statement to His disciples in John 15.  Look what He says:

Jn 15:16 (CSB)—You did not choose me, but I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you. 

What did Jesus mean when He said, You did not choose me, but I chose you?

He was pointing out that there is no need to worry about God’s part of our relationship.  He chose us.  He redeemed us, He bought us from the power of sin and eternal death.  The price for purchasing our freedom was His own blood, the blood of Jesus spilled on the cross.  

He didn’t choose us because we have earned it or we deserve it.  The Apostle Paul makes this clear to the Romans:

Rom 5:8 (CSB)—But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Because He has chosen us and loved us, we don’t have to live wondering whether God will suddenly stop loving us. Romans 8 says that nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

In Genesis 15, God makes a covenant with Abraham. What is a covenant?  A covenant is a relationship between two partners who make binding promises to each other and work together to reach a common goal. 

To rescue the whole world, God calls Abraham into a covenantal relationship. He promises Abraham a huge family that will inherit a piece of land in Canaan and bring universal blessing to all humanity. 

When God made His covenant with Abraham, God was essentially saying, “I am binding myself to you. You don’t have to wonder whether I will keep my promise.”  That was the significance of God’s promise.

Now, fast-forward 2,000 years, and Jesus is sitting at Passover dinner with the disciples. He held up the cup of wine that was a part of the Passover meal, and look what He said: 

Luke 22:20 (CSB)—In the same way he also took the cup after supper and said, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you”

Jesus was saying, in that moment, “I choose you, and my blood is the symbol of our covenant.”

Let me remind you that He didn’t choose you because you deserve it in any way, shape, or form. He chose us because He loved us. 

Now, He says to go and do likewise.  Look at John 15 again:

Jn 15:16-17 (CSB)—You did not choose me, but I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you. This is what I command you: Love one another. 

1. God says, “I choose you.”

2. Jesus says, “Now choose them.”

He chose me because He loves me. And now, because He chose me, I choose you. Love, according to God’s definition, isn’t merely affection; it is a decision.

Choosing someone is not the same thing as approving everything about them. Instead, it means I have decided that our relationship is important to me.

We don’t learn how to choose people by looking at people. We learn how to choose people by looking at Jesus.

And when people who have been chosen by God choose one another, this is what happens: 

I Choose You—Even When You’re Imperfect.

It’s easy to say “I choose you” when everything is good. But what happens when things get difficult?  When the relationship gets hard:

• A spouse says, “I choose you—even when we’re frustrated with each other.”
• A parent says, “I choose you—even when you disappoint me.”
• A friend says, “I choose you—even when you aren’t terribly fun to be around right now.”

Rom 3:23 (CSB)—For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God;

We like to quote this verse to remind people that we all have sin in our lives, which is true; we have all failed to live up to the standard God has set.  I think sometimes we do this in our relationships.  We like to remind people where they have failed and where they don’t measure up.

But we need to read the next verse, the one that comes after verse 23.

Rom 3:24 (CSB)—they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

We are made right before God because of His grace, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. And what did that grace look like? Jesus knew exactly who we were and knew exactly what our failures would be, and He chose to give Himself for us.  Now, Jesus says, go and do likewise.

I Choose You—Even When It Is Difficult.

I can choose someone, even when the relationship is difficult, because I have experienced being chosen by Jesus.

Often we make our relationships conditional by saying, “I’ll choose you as long as…”

• As long as you meet my expectations.
• As long as you make me happy.
• As long as you do what I want you to do.
• As long as you’re healthy.

But in powerful relationships, we say, “I choose you. Even though this is hard, let’s figure this out.”

Let me say this, and I want you to hear this because it is very important: I choose you doesn’t mean no boundaries, no consequences, or tolerating abuse.  I think sometimes, especially in the church, our attitude is that if we just love everybody, then everything will be okay.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can say is, “I love you too much to let this continue.”

“I choose you” doesn’t mean:

• I will allow you to hurt me.
• I will never confront you.
• I will stay in an abusive situation.
• I will pretend everything is okay.

There is a difference between being against someone and being for someone who is wrong.  Being for someone who is wrong means I may have to confront you on some things, and when I do, it is because I am for you; it is because I choose you.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional access. You can love someone deeply while creating boundaries.

You can forgive someone without putting yourself back into an unsafe situation. You can be for someone without allowing them to continue hurting you.

I Choose You—Because I See the Real You.

God saw us and decided to make us His own. To choose someone is to see them.

• Not the curated Instagram version.
• Not only the version you see when they’re having a good day.
• Not the version you imagined when you first met them.

The real person. “I know you. I see you. I see the things you don’t show everybody else. I see your weaknesses. I see your fears. I see the things you get embarrassed about. I see your failures. And knowing what I know, I choose you.”

“That’s what makes the gospel so amazing. God isn’t choosing some fake version of you that you created by putting on some mask. He knows you completely.”

3. We Say, I Choose Us.

Immature relationships ask, “What am I getting?” But powerful, healthy relationships happen when two people ask, “What are we building?”

That is true for friendships, in our families, and at New Hope Community Church. The world teaches us to protect ourselves, to look out only for our needs, and to dump relationships that are not producing what we want them to produce, but Jesus teaches us to give ourselves; He teaches us to say, “Because He chose me, I choose you.”

Phil 2:3-5 (CSB)—Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.

When we understand how God has truly chosen us, we then have the understanding to begin doing what God, through the Apostle Paul, tells the Philippians and, by extension, us.

• In my marriage: I choose us.
• In my friendships: I choose us.
• In my family: I choose us.
• In our church: I choose us.

Stacey and I went on our first date 41 years ago, and you want to know why we still love each other?  Because we have continually said, we choose us.  It’s certainly not because I’m perfect, and it’s not because it has not been hard at times.

The same goes for my friendships, my family and most certainly the church.  I’ll be honest, sometimes the church frustrates me.  Sometimes the church hurts me.  In those moments, I have to say, I choose us.

When I understand how God has chosen me, then I can begin choosing others, and when I choose others, Jesus said the rest of the world will take notice.

Jn 13:34-35 (CSB)— I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

That’s a powerful relationship when the world sees God in how we treat one another, in our commitment to one another, in our care for one another, in our love for one another.  That is what it means to have a powerful relationship.

Have you ever considered that God could use the example of your love for someone to change the direction of someone else’s life—and even their eternity?

God uses the way we love people to help the world see Jesus.

No relationship is perfect, but just because they aren’t perfect doesn’t mean that God can’t work in our relationships and in us, so we can show the world God’s love and His power.

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Powerful relationships aren’t built on finding people who are easy to love; they’re built when we decide that people are worth loving, which is exactly what God has done for me.

In this room, I know there are many broken relationships represented, but I also know that God not only redeems people, but He redeems relationships.  The Apostle Paul said that love is patient and it keeps no record of wrongs.  Our God is the God of second, third, and fourth chances.  Even though you may have a broken relationship you think is beyond repair, or one that has left a scar on your heart, God can heal broken things, and He can teach you to say, “I choose you,” because God first chose me.

How do I know God chose me? Because He didn’t just say it. He demonstrated it. He didn’t just send me a nice message saying, “I love you.” He sent His Son.

He didn’t just make a promise. He sealed the promise with blood. And Jesus said, ‘This is the new covenant in my blood, poured out for you.’”

And now, every time we take this bread and this cup, we remember: God chose me. And because He chose me, I can choose you.”

1. Tell God thank you for choosing you.
2. Ask God to help you understand what choosing you means for your life.
3. Ask God, “Who are the people You are asking me to choose?”
4. Ask God, “Who have I stopped choosing?”