When Christians Let You Down

Have you have ever heard someone say this or something like this: “I don’t go to church because the church is full of narrow-minded, judgmental hypocrites.”

Some people doubt God because when they look at His family, they see a group of people claiming one thing but doing another.  And it is confusing.

You may know someone who feels this way, or someone close to you may feel this way, or maybe you feel this way.

• Maybe you have a classmate who posts Bible verses on InstGram but parties on the weekend.
• Maybe you have a Christian boss who pushes his faith but treats his employees horribly.
• Maybe you had or knew a pastor you looked up to but found out he was living a double life.

We touched on this briefly last week when we discussed Deconstruction and how many young people are losing faith in large institutions, including the church. Tragically, when many people think of the Church, all they see are scandals, abuse, corruption, hypocrisy, judgment, and hate. This is not just an assumption or based on things I’ve read. I’ve had two conversations with people this week and many other conversations with people in the past who feel this way. 

Maybe that’s you, or someone close to you or someone you go to school with or work with.

Jn 1:14 (CSB)—The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. We observed his glory, the glory of the one and only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

What did Jesus come full of?  Grace and Truth

Someone might ask if Jesus came full of grace and truth, why do so many Christians seem to be full of hate and lies?

“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” 

– Brennan Manning

This morning, we are in week 4 of our series Doubting God, Dealing with Questions and Doubts.  Dealing with Questions and Doubts includes dealing with the hurts that sometimes come from those who are a part of the Body of Christ, the Church.

That is why I included this morning’s topic: When Christians Let You Down.

______________________________________

Jesus never spoke more harshly to anyone than hypocrites.

Matt 23:27-28 (CSB) – “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of the bones of the dead and every kind of impurity. In the same way, on the outside you seem righteous to people, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”

Hypocrite – ὑποκριτής (hypokritēs) –  Someone who puts on a mask and feigns himself to be what he is not. A person who professes beliefs and opinions that he or she does not hold in order to conceal his or her real feelings or motives. 

Until the church started using this word it was only ever used in the Greek language to describe a Greek actor, playing a part on stage.

This Greek word is used 17 times in the Bible. Jesus is the only person who uses this word. Every time He uses it, it is to call out people who need correction, mostly the religious leaders of the day. Jesus is the first person ever to use hypocrite outside the theater context.

He called people out for making their temple offerings in a way as to be noticed.

He called people out for fasting to impress others.

He called people out for praying out loud in such a way as to be heard so they could impress their listeners.

He called people out for pretending to be generous while at the same time taking advantage of the poor.

If you read all of the places where Jesus calls these people out, He zeros in on one thing; He is calling out the show. He’s calling out the fact that they say one thing but, do another. They are attempting to portray themselves one way, but in reality, they are something else altogether.

In Matt 23, Jesus gives his last public sermon.  This is just eight days before He is crucified.  Jesus really lets them have it.  He doesn’t hold anything back and He lists out all of the hypocrisy of the Pharisees.

Matt 23:1-7 (CSB) – Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples: “The scribes and the Pharisees are seated in the chair of Moses. Therefore do whatever they tell you, and observe it. But don’t do what they do, because they don’t practice what they teach. They tie up heavy loads that are hard to carry and put them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves aren’t willing to lift a finger to move them. They do everything to be seen by others: They enlarge their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels. They love the place of honor at banquets, the front seats in the synagogues, greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by people.

As you read the rest of ch. 23, Jesus says, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees,” seven different times.  What is Jesus so worked up about?  Their hypocrisy.

Matt 23:33 (CSB) – “Snakes! Brood of vipers! How can you escape being condemned to hell?”

Pretty harsh words from Jesus, reserved for those who had assumed the spiritual leadership of Israel.  I think it is pretty safe to say Jesus doesn’t like hypocrisy. I think we can all agree on that.

There is a problem, however, with the statement, “I don’t go to church because the church is full of narrow-minded, judgmental hypocrites. The problem is this: 

We have all been hypocrites at one time or another.

All of us, even those who have been hurt by and lost faith in the church. We have all been hypocrites at one time or another.

1Jn 1:8 (CSB) – If we say, “We have no sin,” we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

________________________________________

• So how do we respond to a world that says the church is filled with a bunch of hypocrites?  
• How do people who have been hurt by Christians reconcile what has happened? 
• How does the church in general, respond to the perception that it is only self-serving and doesn’t really care about people?

By living out our identity in Christ. 

Understanding who we are in Christ and then looking to our Heavenly Father to reshape who we currently are, to fit our new and true identity in Christ is the answer to all those questions.  

When you started a relationship with Jesus, Paul says this:

2 Cor 5:17 (CSB) – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!

When you come to Christ, you are:

• His Ambassador
• His Son / Daughter
• A Saint
• Forgiven
• Destined for Heaven

This list of things now true about you is a really long list.  Christian discipleship, following Jesus, is learning to live out this really long list of things that are now true about you.  It is a lifetime of learning how to give up our old identity and live out our new identity.  The only way to deal with Christians who hurt you is to pursue your new identity.

________________________________________

Let me speak first to those who are Christians who have been hurt by other Christians and to those who have people around you who are Christians who other Christians have hurt.

I am sorry for your hurt. The church has not always gotten it right. If someone you trusted or someone you looked up to hurt you, I am sorry. Your hurt is real, and I never want to come across as dismissive or like I am ignoring the real problems in the church that cause hurt.  

Moving beyond that hurt is a process, not an event.  Let me just give you a couple of things that I hope will help you in that process.

1) You need other Christians in your life.  

Learning to live your new identity requires that you have a community of other followers of Jesus around you.  Watching online and listening to podcasts doesn’t count.  You need to be engaged with other Jesus followers.

In 1 Cor 12, Paul describes the church as the Body of Christ.  Some of us are eyes, some are hands, some are noses.  Every part of the body is indispensable.  When you remove a part of the body, the body becomes handicapped and that part of the body that is removed becomes unable to function without the rest of the body.  This is God’s design.

You need people who will cheer you on, encourage you, and lead you toward Jesus, and you need to be involved in cheering others on, encouraging others, and leading others toward Jesus.

Just because some part of the body hurts you does not negate the fact that you need the body, and the body needs you.

If you say, “I can’t go to church because the church has people that have hurt me.”  I’ll just tell you that is terrible logic.  

It’s like saying, “I went to a restaurant, but the service and food were so awful that I’m never eating again! “ It took them 15 minutes to get me my burger and the fries were horrible.  I’m so frustrated.  I’m never eating again.

 Don’t punish yourself because someone else let you down.

2) Instead of looking at people, look to Jesus.

If you have lost faith in Jesus because of people, maybe your faith is in people when it should be in Jesus.

– Craig Groeschel

When you get too focused on how others live out their identity in Christ, it is easy to miss what Jesus is doing to reshape your identity.

The reality is that people will often let us down.  I’m not saying that is okay, but it is the truth.  

Part of what God is doing in reshaping our identity is where there was hopelessness, it is being replaced with hope.  Where there was sorrow, it is being replaced with joy.  Where there was offense we are finding forgiveness.  We are leaning to live Jesus’ model prayer, “Father, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us.”

These things have their source in the presence of the Holy Spirit in us.  

Our relationships bring so many good things into our lives, but occasionally people will disappoint us.  When that happens, if we are looking to Jesus, who will not disappoint, for those things, rather than people, we will not be shaken.

Jer 31:13 (CSB) – Then the young women will rejoice with dancing, while young and old men rejoice together. I will turn their mourning into joy, give them consolation, and bring happiness out of grief.

3) Do the hard work of self-reflection.

In the past, I have had people cause me some significant hurt. As I wrestled with how to respond to those hurts, I often asked myself why I was feeling the way I was. Why was I feeling so betrayed and disappointed? Why was I having a tough time moving forward?

We cannot control what others do to us, but we can control how we respond to what others do to us. Not only can we control how we respond, but we are responsible for how we respond. 

Often, our first response when someone hurts us is a response that has its source in our own brokkenss and our own hurt. If someone hurts us we usually want to punish them.  We want them to hurt they way they hurt us.

Jesus had something to say about that.

Matt 5:38-41 (CSB) – “You have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I tell you, don’t resist an evildoer. On the contrary, if anyone slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. As for the one who wants to sue you and take away your shirt, let him have your coat as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two.

Taking time to look at your own heart and asking yourself what is driving some of the emotions behind how you are feeling can be an important step in helping you move forward.  Understanding your own heart is an important step in helping you become more like Jesus.

4) It’s okay to take a time-out.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine just this week who was treated very poorly at a church he was highly invested in.  If I told you the details, it would make your jaw drop, and you would wonder how Christian brothers could treat another brother so awful.

My friend said one of the most healing parts of the process for him was taking a time out from church and spending a lot of time, just him and the Lord, processing what had happened. He took time away to get perspective and figure out what church in the future was going to look like for him.

Here’s the best part of my friend’s story. During his time away from church, he never lost faith in Jesus and continued to pursue Him even though he was taking a break.  And not only that, but he had a plan to come back.  He eventually came back to church, got plugged back in and is involved today.  Having a plan for re-engagement is critical.

How many of our friends and family never got re-engaged after the covid shutdowns were over?  It is very easy to get out of the practice of being with other followers of Jesus.  Life has a way of diverting our attention to other things.

It’s okay to take a break, but if you do, make sure you have a plan to re-engage.

______________________________________

Most of us are probably responsible for causing some hurt to others along the way.  Not because we are Hell-bound hypocrites but because we are all in the process of stepping into our new identity.

1) Sometimes, we cause hurt because of a lack of maturity.

There is a difference (hopefully) between the behavior of a child and the behavior of an adult.  A child might say or do something to you that is funny or endearing but if an adult said or did the same thing, it would be offensive.

One time in the elevator in Penny’s Madison said out loud about two women who got on the elevator with us, “Mommy, those girls are not dressed very appropriately are they?”

Look at what the writer of Hebrews says about this:

Heb 5:13-14 (CSB) – Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the basic principles of God’s revelation again. You need milk, not solid food. Now everyone who lives on milk is inexperienced with the message about righteousness, because he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature—for those whose senses have been trained to distinguish between good and evil. 

Not everyone is in the same place regarding maturity in their identity in Christ.  But the goal isn’t that we are all in the same place, the goal is that we are all moving toward stepping into that identity.

2) Sometimes, even the most mature among us cause hurt.

Sometimes, mature Christians who love Jesus, tell a lie. Sometimes, mature Christians who love Jesus, say or do things that are hurtful. Sometimes, mature Christians who love Jesus, have an affair.

It doesn’t matter how long we follow Jesus; we are still vulnerable to sin! We are still vulnerable to pride and arrogance.  We are still vulnerable to selfishness and insecurity. Everyone of us, including your pastors.

Jesus has zero tolerance for hypocrisy but He has unlimited grace for a sinner in need of forgiveness.

1Jn 1:8-9 (CSB) – If we say, “We have no sin,” we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Let’s be honest when we get it wrong. When we do, we need to repent and apologize.  

And when others hurt us, let’s work on figuring out how to move forward, which means living out  our identity in Christ more and more everyday.

I often sin and need forgiveness, and I also need to offer the same grace to others that Jesus gives me.

_______________________________________

Have you or someone you know been hurt by the church? Ask God for wisdom in how to move forward to heal that hurt.

Has someone been hurt by you?  Repent and ask God to help you make that relationship right.