The word “Advent” comes from the Latin “adventus,” meaning “coming” or “arrival.” Before the Advent or arrival of Jesus, there was the journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem. In the same way we are also on a journey with Jesus. However, it is important to remember that this world is not the destination of our journey. We have a home awaiting us, but it is not this world or this life.
So we need to learn to Travel Light. That is the theme for our Advent series.
In week one, we discussed traveling light by letting go of stuff.
Last week we discussed traveling light by letting go of distractions and how we need to say no to things that aren’t necessarily bad so we can say yes to the best things.
This morning, we will talk about traveling light by Letting go of Bitterness.
Heb 12:14-15 (CSB)—Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness—without it no one will see the Lord. Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.
I feel like Paul’s instructions not to allow a root of bitterness to spring up, would be easy if it weren’t for people. This would be a piece of cake if it weren’t for people. Unfortunately, that isn’t an option. We all know that the reality is that this is a challenge when it comes to some relationships and some people.
An effective strategy of our enemy, the devil, that keeps us ineffective in our relationship with Jesus is to destroy relationships and poison hearts—the Bible calls this the Root of Bitterness.
How does the enemy do that? He plants a small seed of offense that grows into a root of bitterness.
- It can begin with a small offense like:
- You always like or comment on someone’s Instagram posts, but they never like or comment on yours.
- Someone ignores your texts, but you know they got the text because you saw the bubbles.
- Someone you always invite over for your Christmas meal never offers to help bring food, and they never return the Tupperware you send the leftovers home in.
- Or the seed of offense is planted when someone you trust lies to you, deceives you or talks bad about you behind your back.
- Or it could be that relative who always seems to be critical. They criticize your parenting, how you spend your money, your faith, or your church.
- Or someone close to you takes advantage of you, misleads you, or betrays you.
The seed is planted, and the root of bitterness begins to grow.
You can’t control what people do, but you can control how you respond.
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.”
—Charles R. Swindoll
It is good that we are talking about this important subject before Christmas. You’ve probably noticed the holidays tend to magnify a lot of emotions. When times are good—Christmas makes things feel even better. But when there’s family tension, relational hurts, disappointments, the holidays tend to magnify those.
But if you stop to think about it, in the next couple of weeks, many of you will have the opportunity to share God’s love with some of the most important people in your life. And you can be sure that your enemy will likely try to plant seeds of offense that can grow into roots of bitterness.
You can’t control what people do, but you can control how you respond.
There are two problems with bitterness:
Bitterness has a dangerous root.
Heb 12:15 (CSB)—Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.
Bitterness, Paul says, causes trouble.
Most of us would love to eliminate the Bermuda Grass in our yards. That stuff is tenacious. I had never encountered it before we moved to Hermiston. We bought our house where we still live, and I went to re-plant the backyard because it had all this terrible grass. I borrowed a big rototiller, fired that baby up, put it into my giant patch of Bermuda grass, and the tiller practically ripped my arms off. Instead of going into the soil it grabbed onto the giant tangled Bermuda Grass roots that lay just below the surface. I had no idea what kind of root system this grass has.
Bitterness is a lot like Bermuda Grass.
The root of bitterness is an underground thing; it tends to lie beneath the surface. No one sees the roots growing. In fact, you may have experienced a hurt, a disappointment, or an offense, and you may not even be aware that the seed has taken root.
This is why it is so dangerous. It can grow and develop and deepen, and no one, sometimes not even us, is aware of how deep that root stretches and how it has begun to affect our lives.
1 Cor 13:4-5 (CSB)—Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs.
But bitterness keeps detailed, meticulous records.
“He hurt me—She misled me—He lied to me—She let me down.
The problem is that the longer you allow this root to live, the more it spreads and the harder it is to kill.
Bitterness has a dangerous root. And secondly…
Bitterness produces a dangerous fruit.
Heb 12:15 (CSB)—Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.
Bitterness is not just a root—It’s a root that produces bad fruit.
- You’ve seen it all around you…
- Bitterness can destroy a marriage.
- Bitterness can make the workplace miserable.
- Bitterness can divide a family or a friend group, or a small group.
Some of you are probably thinking—I hope so-n-so is listening! They need this message.
Before you point the finger, bitterness is one of the most difficult sins to see in the mirror. Why? Because when you are bitter—you feel justified in how you feel. “I’m only angry because of what they did!”
If we aren’t careful, some of us will celebrate the love of Christ while hating someone in our hearts. If we aren’t careful, we will gladly receive God’s grace but withhold it from those around us.
Take a moment to ask yourself honestly—Do I have a root of bitterness? Am I holding a grudge, carrying a hurt, or nursing an offense?
Someone at work did something to you.
Sick and tired of being criticized.
Boss doesn’t appreciate you.
Mad at yourself.
Friend that takes you for granted.
Disappointed or angry at God.
How do you kill the root of bitterness?
Eph 4:31-32 (CSB)—Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
Kill bitterness with compassion.
Do you want to deal with your bitterness? Paul says, “ Be kind and compassionate to one another.”
Paul taught a similar principle in Romans 12:
Rom 12:21 (CSB)—Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.
I’m afraid our culture has taught us to be suspicious and assume that people’s intentions toward us are evil, but what if instead of assuming the worst about people, we err on the side of assuming the best?
Jesus said it this way:
Luke 6:27-28 (CSB)—“But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
One of the best ways to show compassion is to pray for someone who hurt you.
Your prayer for others may or may not change them, but it will always change you.
—Craig Groeschel
Kill bitterness with compassion and second,
Kill bitterness with forgiveness.
This is always a hard teaching. When we talk about forgiveness, many of you may rightly think: You don’t know what they did to me! How do I forgive what seems unforgivable?
Paul gives us some insight, look again at Eph 4.
Eph 4:31-32 (CSB)—Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
How do you forgive? You forgive the way Jesus forgave you. How did Jesus forgive you? He forgave you freely, generously, absolutely, entirely and unconditionally.
Do not let a root of bitterness grow up and hurt you and hurt others.
You can relive it and rehearse it—or you can release it.
Someone said that to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.
Finally, if you want to kill the root of bitterness
Kill bitterness with boundaries.
Something we often don’t talk about in church is how we frequently fail to set healthy boundaries and how that failure will often lead us to resentment and bitterness.
If you have people in your life who took advantage of you, someone who has hurt you and you do not feel safe around, or someone who treats you badly, you can still show compassion, and you can still offer forgiveness, but you should also set boundaries.
You can’t control what people do, but you can control how you respond. One healthy way for you to respond is by setting boundaries.
Often, we fail to set boundaries because we don’t think boundaries are very loving.
We feel like it’s not very “Christian” to say no to someone or to tell someone I can’t hang out with you because of your temper or because the way you treat me is disrespectful and until you treat me with respect, I am choosing not to hang out with you. However, allowing people to persist in their bad behavior is not loving, and choosing not to set boundaries enables bad behavior.
You may be nodding your head at this, thinking, yeah that person hurt me so I’m never going to talk to them again, I’m cutting them off.
We don’t set boundaries to punish people. We set boundaries because we want to love people well and because we understand that in order for us to be able to show up for people we need to be healthy and we should require a certain level of respect in order to remain healthy.
Setting a boundary can be the most loving thing we do in a relationship.
Often, we fail to set boundaries because it requires uncomfortable conversations.
It’s just easier, we think, to take the disrespect or to allow someone to co-opt our time, or to put up with someone’s bad behavior, because we don’t want to have the hard conversation.
However, when we fail to have those hard conversations, and we allow those things to persist we eventually develop a root of bitterness and resentment. You begin to resent someone you may have an intimate relationship with, like a spouse, a parent or child or maybe a good friend. Then, that bitterness develops into dangerous fruit, and you get caught in these unhealthy relationship cycles. All because of a failure on your part to set a boundary.
Author and researcher Brene Brown often talks about this in her work and writings. She has a mantra, something she tells herself every time she develops a root of bitterness.
“Choose discomfort over resentment.”
—Brene Brown
I choose to have the hard conversation and do the hard thing over allowing a root of bitterness to grow.
Jesus is our example here. Jesus often set boundaries in His ministry.
Withdrawing from crowds: Jesus regularly took time away from people, even when they were seeking Him, to go and be alone with the Father (John 2:24).
Not bowing to expectations: When Jesus was gaining popularity, He chose to withhold Himself from the expectations of His followers, maintaining His boundaries and not conforming to their demands (Matthew 11:30).
Setting limits with the Pharisees: Jesus confronted the Pharisees and Sadducees, refusing to engage with their attempts to trap Him in theological debates (Matthew 22:15-22).
Protecting His disciples: Jesus set boundaries around His disciples’ interactions with others, warning them to avoid certain people who were divisive or disruptive (Titus 3:10, 2 Thessalonians 3:6).
Maintaining His priorities: Jesus prioritized His relationship with God and His mission, setting boundaries around His time and energy. He would often leave towns and villages to pray and seek guidance from the Father (Luke 5:16, 6:12).
You can’t control what others do, but you can control how you respond by setting boundaries.
Travel light by letting go of bitterness.
Bitterness is a dangerous root that produces a dangerous fruit. Instead, kill it with compassion, forgiveness and boundaries.
Romans 12:18 (CSB)—If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Chris Hankel 
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